culture | Ascension Lifestyle

01 Dec 2022
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December Artist of the Month: Roland Nissan

Artist Statement: Roland Nissan

I’m an urban sketcher and painter working primarily around London and the Southeast of England. I concentrate on buildings and street scenes. Since I use my sketchbooks as a form of daily visual diary, my work can also include home scenes and, of course, drawings from my travels. I sometimes get commissions to sketch people’s homes and other memorable places.

I’m lucky to have been able to retire early from my desk job in London to concentrate more on my passion of art and sketching. When I’m not sketching, I like to play guitar and ride my motorbike. Since teaching myself to draw about 10 years ago, I’ve amassed a huge number of sketchbooks and piles of paintings. Mostly I draw on-site, as I believe this is the best way to capture the ambience of the scene. I’m proud that my work has been noticed around the world due to exposure on social media and in the local press. I have fans all over the world where some of my paintings have travelled.

You can see my work on my social media channels, where you may also contact me for sales and commissions:

Twitter @RolandN

Instagram @rolandnissanart (where I post most days)

10 Oct 2022
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Why Don’t More Men Take Their Wives’ Last Names?

In the run-up to marriage, many couples, particularly those of a more progressive bent, will encounter a problem: What is to be done about the last name?

Some have attempted work-arounds: the Smiths and Taylors who have become Smith-Taylors, Taylor-Smiths, or—more creative—Smilors. But there just isn’t always a good, fair option. (While many straight couples fall back on the option of a woman taking her husband’s last name, same-sex couples have no analogous default.)

And so it is that, even after generations of feminist progress, the expectation, at least for straight couples, has remained: Women take the man’s last name. Seventy-two percent of adults polled in a 2011 study said they believe a woman should give up her maiden name when she gets married, and half of those who responded said they believe that it should be a legal requirement, not a choice. In some states, married women could not legally vote under their maiden name until the mid-1970s.

The opposite—a man taking his wife’s name—remains incredibly rare: In a study of 877 heterosexual married men, less than three percent took their wife’s name when they got married. When her fiancé, Avery, announced that he wanted to take her last name, Becca Lamb, a 23-year-old administrative assistant living in Washington, D.C., told me that, at first, she said no: “It shocked me. I had always expected to take my husband’s last name someday. I didn’t want to do anything too out of the norm.”

But the prospect of a married man adopting his wife’s last name hasn’t always been so startling in Western cultures. In medieval England, men who married women from wealthier, more prestigious families would sometimes take their wife’s last name, says Stephanie Coontz, a professor of marriage and family history at Evergreen State College. From the 12th to the 15th century, Coontz told me, in many “highly hierarchical societies” in England and France, “class outweighed gender.” It was common during this period for upper-class English families to take the name of their estates. If a bride-to-be was associated with a particularly flashy castle, the man, Coontz says, would want to benefit from the association. “Men dreamed of marrying a princess,” she says. “It wasn’t just women dreaming of marrying a prince.”

In America today, many men tend to have the same hang-up about surrendering their last names, says Brian Powell, a professor of family and gender at Indiana University Bloomington who has studied attitudes toward marital name changes: They worry they’ll be seen as less of a man. And it seems they’re probably right.

In a forthcoming study, Kristin Kelley, a doctoral student working with Powell, presented people with a series of hypothetical couples that had made different choices about their last name, and gauged the subjects’ reactions. She found that a woman’s keeping her last name or choosing to hyphenate changes how others view her relationship. “It increases the likelihood that others will think of the man as less dominant—as weaker in the household,” Powell says. “With any nontraditional name choice, the man’s status went down.” The social stigma a man would experience for changing his own last name at marriage, Powell told me, would likely be even greater.

Of course, the man-takes-wife’s-name solution, like hyphenation and the last-name mishmash, is imperfect. Even though it may turn gender convention on its head—a plus for some couples—nevertheless one partner is giving up his name and, in a sense, losing a slice of the person he was before he got married. It comes with other challenges too: Because so few men opt to change their name, couples who make the unconventional choice are well aware they’ll stick out, eliciting questions for as long as anyone can remember their names before marriage. Lamb told me that there was no way for her husband to “casually” take her name. It would be a big deal, no matter how hard she tried to play it down. “And I didn’t want my marriage to be a political statement,” she said.

But by thinking this way, Lamb said, she knew she was perpetuating the same norms that she felt stuck in. Men don’t take their wife’s last name, Becca’s husband, Avery, told me, because they lack examples of other men doing the same thing. “When we told the people in our life that I was taking Becca’s last name, some said they didn’t even know you could do that.”

For some couples, it comes down to the particulars of the various name options before them. When he and his then-girlfriend decided to get married, David Slusky, an economist based in Lawrence, Kansas, carefully considered what a name change would mean for both him and his future wife. At the time, he was a management consultant about to transition into academia, but his wife was already in graduate school, publishing academic papers, and building a reputation in her chosen field.

“Your name is your brand,” Slusky told me. “And when I got married, I happened to be at a moment in my career when rebranding wouldn’t really hurt me.” Once he had that thought, Slusky says, the choice was easy. For Jonah Gellar, who also took his wife’s last name, the choice came down to making sure both surnames survived. His ex-wife (they have since divorced), Debbie, was the last Gellar likely to have kids, but Jonah was the first of three siblings. “I figured one of them could worry about our last name.” The decision, he says, brought him closer to Debbie and the rest of her family.

It wasn’t until the very end of our conversation that he mentioned the other reason he wanted to change his name. “My last name used to be Falk,” he said, sheepishly. “Pronounced ‘phallic.’”

Original article here

04 Sep 2022
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Diet for a Hotter Climate: Five Plants That Could Help Feed the World

Over the course of human history, scientists believe that humans have cultivated more than 6,000 different plant species. But over time, farmers gravitated toward planting those with the largest yields. Today, just three crops – rice, wheat and corn – provide nearly half of the world’s calories.

That reliance on a small number of crops has made agriculture vulnerable to pests, plant-borne diseases and soil erosion, which thrive on monoculture – the practice of growing only one crop at a time. It has also meant losing out on the resilience other crops show in surviving drought and other natural disasters.

As the impacts of the climate crisis become starker, farmers across the world are rediscovering ancient crops and developing new hybrids that might prove more hardy in the face of drought or epidemics, while also offering important nutrients.

“You hear all the statistics like, ‘We’ve lost 90% of our varieties’. It’s only recently that I realized the greatest sadness isn’t that we’ve lost that diversity. It’s that we don’t even know that we’ve lost that diversity,” says Chris Smith, founder of the Utopian Seed Project.

Here’s a look at five crops, beyond rice, wheat and corn, that farmers across the world are now growing in hopes of feeding the planet as it warms:

Amaranth: the plant that survived colonization

From leaf to seed, the entirety of the amaranth plant is edible. Standing up to eight feet tall, amaranth stalks are topped off with red, orange or green seed-filled plumes. Across Africa and Asia, amaranth has long been eaten as a vegetable – whereas Indigenous Americans also ate the plant’s seed: a pseudo-cereal like buckwheat or quinoa.

While amaranth leaves can be sautéed or cooked into a stir-fry, the seed is commonly toasted and then eaten with honey or milk. A complete protein with all nine essential amino acids, amaranth is a good source of vitamins and antioxidants.

In the Americas, Spanish colonizers banned the Aztecs and Maya from growing amaranth when they arrived on the continent. However, the plant continued to grow as a weed and many farmers saved amaranth seeds, passing them down for generations, until their descendants were allowed to grow it again.

Today, Indigenous farmers in Guatemala, Mexico and the US are collaborating to grow this drought-resistant crop. Like fonio, an African grain, amaranth is not a new crop, but one that is experiencing a resurgence as communities adapt to the climate crisis. “Everything that’s new was old once,” said Matthew Blair, a professor at Tennessee State University and co-president of the Amaranth Institute.

Amaranth has found its way into European kitchens, with Ukraine coming in as the crop’s largest producer on the continent.

Fonio: the drought-resistant traditional grain

For thousands of years, farmers across West Africa have cultivated fonio – a kind of millet that tastes like a slightly nuttier couscous or quinoa. Historically, fonio is considered to be Africa’s oldest cultivated cereal and was regarded by some as the food of chiefs and kings. In countries such as Senegal, Burkina Faso and Mali, fonio would be served on holy days, like at weddings and during the month of Ramadan.

Today, attention is increasingly focused on fonio for its resilience and health benefits. As the climate continues to change, fonio’s drought resistance and ability to grow in poor soil has made it a standout crop in water-scarce regions. It also has important nutritional value as a low glycemic, gluten-free grain – making it a good source of amino acids for people with diabetes or gluten intolerance.

While Europeans once called fonio “hungry rice”, European companies are now manufacturing their own fonio. The Italian company Obà Food helped introduce fonio to the EU in December 2018. And in the US, the Senegalese chef Pierre Thiam sources fonio from the aid organization SOS Sahel for his brand Yolélé, also the name of his cookbook celebrating West African cuisine.

Cowpeas: the fully edible plant

In the 1940s, more than 5m acres of cowpeas were grown in the US – the majority, as their name suggests, for hay to feed livestock. But long before cowpeas – also called southern peas or black-eyed peas – came to the Americas, they were grown for human consumption in West Africa. Although cowpea production has declined in the US in recent decades, the crop is hugely important in much of Africa. Nigeria is the world’s largest cowpea producer.

As scientists look for alternative crops, Blair said it was important to identify ones where the entire plant is edible. Although historically people have mostly eaten cowpeas’ seeds, the leaves and pods are also a good source of protein.

Because cowpeas are highly drought tolerant, they’re also a good candidate as the climate changes. At Tennessee State University, Blair is part of a team studying the introduction of cowpeas to Latin America, as an alternative to beans, like pinto and black beans, with similar flavor profiles that may soon become more difficult to grow.

Taro: adapting the tropical crop for colder climes

In the tropics of Southeast Asia and Polynesia, taro has long been grown as a root vegetable, not unlike the potato. But as rising temperatures threaten cultivation of the crop in its natural habitat, farmers in the continental US are trying to adapt the tropical perennial to grow as a temperate annual, because it cannot survive the cold of US winters.

At the Utopian Seed Project in North Carolina, founder Chris Smith and his team have been experimenting with tropical crops, looking for ways to help the plants survive the winter. Today, they’re growing eight varieties of taro, including ones sourced from Korea, the Philippines, Hawaii, China and Puerto Rico.

“We want to introduce taro because we truly believe that that will give us a more secure food system,” Smith says. “But the beautiful byproduct is that that also allows us to engage with foods that are traditionally from either Indigenous or peasant farming communities. And I think it really gives those traditionally underserved populations an opportunity to engage with the food system that they don’t usually get.”

Like fonio, amaranth and cowpeas, taro isn’t a new crop – it’s just new to the US food system. Which is why the Utopian Seed Project isn’t just learning how to grow taro, but also teaching people how to cook it. “These crops are just foods that are embedded in cultures around the world in a way that they’re not embedded here,” Smith said. “It takes work to build that community and desire for that crop.”

Kernza: the crop bred for the climate crisis

While many alternative crops are just plants that were grown somewhere else in the world generations ago, others have been cultivated specifically to withstand climate change.

In the 1980s, researchers at the Pennsylvania-based Rodale Institute identified a wheat-like grass called intermediate wheatgrass as a perennial cereal crop that could be developed as a substitute for annual grains like wheat. The goal was to minimize the environmental impacts of grain production.

In 2019, the Kansas-based Land Institute, a non-profit research organization focused on sustainable agriculture, introduced Kernza, a cereal crop developed from intermediate wheatgrass and trademarked to ensure farmers know they’ve bought seeds from the official breeding program. Although researchers are still working to improve the grain’s yield, farmers in Minnesota, Kansas and Montana are today growing nearly 4,000 acres of Kernza.

“Growers immediately understand the benefits of perennials on their landscapes,” said Tessa Peters, director of crop stewardship at the Land Institute, “and for those working in grain-producing areas, Kernza is very appealing.”

Original article here

25 Aug 2022
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The Sky Is Falling, But There’s A Net

Networks are the rule of nature; not the exception.

The story of fungi is the story of our essential unity. The more we understand and respect this third kingdom, the more solutions we’ll uncover for the many challenges that face us. It’s not surprising that we are latecomers to the discovery of the usefulness of mushrooms, because our encounters with them are very short; they pop up suddenly and then they’re gone. With plants and animals, by comparison, which are visible for weeks, months, years, the embodied knowledge we have of them is naturally much greater. Mushrooms can feed you and heal you, they can kill you, and they can send you on a spiritual journey. Then they disappear. It’s very hard to understand them, but understand them we must.

It doesn’t really help to tell people that the sky is falling or the soil is collapsing without some options for solving the situation. This is what fungi and mycelium bring to the table: They represent ecological remedies that literally lie beneath our every footstep. To take just one example, consider agriculture. The new standard for sustainability is “no-till” farming, a process that features minimal disturbance of the soil in order to maintain its ability to absorb water and sequester carbon. How does one do that? By keeping the mycelium intact and planting seeds that are dusted with mycorrrhizal fungi. Ten years ago, you couldn’t find a single bag of such seeds; now you can’t find any without it. Ninety percent of the soil now sold in garden centers is fortified with mycorrhizal fungi.

The qualities of these fungi have largely gone unnoticed in the past, but we are noticing them now. We’ve identified several hundred species and cultures that have different talents for solving a lot of environmental challenges, and that’s just the beginning. It’s a matter of matching those talents specifically with a targeted concern. And as we keep doing that, we are building what I call an arma-mentarium of solutions, which is unprecedented in our time. We can dial in solutions using fungi with specific skillsets to address many of the environmental challenges we face.

This has been my mission all along, and it turns out that a lot of my early ideas have proven to be factually correct and scientifically supported. When I do research experiments, I look for my biggest critics, often those working in universities, and invite them to prove me wrong. “Do this research on your own,” I suggest. “Design the experiment and the protocol, test the hypothesis, and get back to me.” Many of my most vocal skeptics have become big supporters.

And so, we shouldn’t underestimate the intelligence of nature and the many organisms that have evolved to this day. We are here today because of very smart choices made along the evolutionary path, and because of our ability to communicate with other species and enlist them to our benefit. And this doesn’t just work for humans. The communities of nonhuman species working together across the planet are the true architects of the ecosystems that maintain the circle of life.

Strength In Numbers

What’s been missing in the scientific conversation is the impact of the third kingdom, the mycelial and fungal networks. They are the foundation of the food web. Seventy percent of the biological carbon in soil is fungi, both living and dead. I’ve been attending conferences for years trying to engage the scientific community in acknowledging this vital piece of the puzzle, and it took a long time to register. Everyone’s looking above ground for solutions to our environmental problems. They’re looking at oil, at concrete, using mechanistic and conventional ways of thinking, without understanding that the biology of nature has already solved many of these problems. Unless we come to terms with our fungal underlords, our biological myopia may be the downfall of us all.

Humans indulge the idea that we are the highest species, the top of the food chain, and that the main purpose of the biosphere is to support us. But is this “highest species” worth protecting? This illusion of biological grandeur is the cause of our suffering because of the egocentricity it covers up. We’re still very much in kindergarten when it comes to understanding how to co-create a sustainable future for all beings — and all beings are necessary to make that future possible.

A core concept of evolution is that, through natural selection, the strongest and fittest survive. In truth (and scientifically proven), communities survive better than individuals, especially communities that rely on cooperation. Acting on such a principle, people want to give in order to receive, which I think reflects the power of an essential goodness. I see this as a major force of nature — that evolution is based on the concept of mutual benefit and generosity.

It’s certainly true in the world of fungi and plants and trees. Yes, there are negative influences in the human domain. We do have some bad actors. But I think their appearance reminds the majority that it’s far better to base our actions on the values we strive to attain, on the principles we want to carry forward into future generations. Who wants to teach their children to be greedy, mean, and violent? Benevolence, kindness, trust, forgiveness — the fact that these concepts exist is, to me, de facto proof that the evolution of life has been based on the concept of goodness.

Fungi build soil, which expands the carrying capacity of the ecosystem, and thus the capacity for adding biodiversity. The more complex your biodiversity, the larger your cast of characters, the more opportunities for plants and other creatures to collaborate on providing maximum benefit to all. It’s like anything else: the larger your selection pool, the more likely your successes. True wealth is not measured in material possessions but by the abundance of options and choices.

Mycology (the study of fungi) is capable of offering so many solutions. Yet the field is underfunded, underappreciated, and underutilized. I think this shows the chasm of knowledge we have to overcome. But it’s also a perfect opportunity to create an “integrative science,” building bridges of knowledge between researchers of fungal networks and other scientists to develop an applied mycology grounded in practical solutions. We need to be engaging fungi purposefully, because they are the agents of sustainability, they will give us resilience.

The Truth Of Our Interconnectedness

The problem we face today is that we live in artificial realities wherein we invent our own facts. The more artificial the reality (for example, “Climate change is a hoax”), the more divorced from the truth one gets.

These bubbles of false realities are often constructed to serve the interests of certain groups and people who are trying to hijack your consciousness. It’s like getting stuck in a video game. You end up believing in and playing by the rules of that game, but the problem is that those rules don’t apply outside the video game. Once you embed yourself in nature and start working in the real world, you’ll encounter a new set of well-established rules and a knowledge base that’s been tested for millennia. We won’t solve our most pressing problems unless enough people leave the video games they’re immersed in and fully reengage in the consciousness of nature.

We all have a deeply embedded yearning to experience nature. Can you imagine what someone would be like if they had never been exposed to the natural world? If their reality had been limited to bricks and buildings, to straight lines and asphalt? If that is your only view of reality, how many truly creative ideas can come from that?

Unfortunately, most people are, to some degree, ecologically impoverished, aptly coined the “nature-deficit disorder” by Richard Louv. But it’s not too late. We can still use our best technology and the tools of science to respectfully and humbly unlock nature’s secrets and reveal the depths of her knowledge. With fungi and mushrooms, we’ve only scratched the surface of how they work and what they know. There are literally thousands of unknown species, each with unique properties that may hold answers to the massive challenges we face.

Five or ten years ago, the idea that “everything is connected” sounded like New Age nonsense. Now it is less controversial, but we still need to develop more ways to show that this interconnectedness is real and that anyone can participate in a solution and have a meaningful impact.

A Time For Therapeutic Intervention

Like it or not, we’re actively involved in our evolution. The challenge is that we have to evolve faster because the problems we’re creating are eclipsing our ability to adapt. And if we don’t adapt and get ahead of this curve, we will lose the race and our species will instead simply race toward extinction. It’s happened to countless species before ours. I do think it’s a challenge we’re well-equipped to meet, but it will require a different mindset, a paradigm shift in consciousness that looks at everything holistically.

When you consider the webs of dark matter showing up in hi-tech scans of the universe, the webs of mycelium branching out through the planetary biosphere, the webs of capillaries in our bodies, and the neural structure in our brains — these, to me, are central to this new paradigm. It’s all connected, it’s all co-evolving. Networks are the rule of nature; not the exception.

Excerpted with permission from Fantastic Fungi: How Mushrooms Can Heal, Shift Consciousness, and Save the Planet, the companion book to the acclaimed “Fantastic Fungi” documentary. ©2019, Earth Aware Editions.

Paul Stamets is the preeminent mycologist in the United States. He has discovered several new species of mushrooms, pioneered countless new techniques, published several best-selling books, and won numerous awards. Visit www.fungi.com

Original article here

22 Aug 2022
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The Swedish philosophy of lagom: how “just enough” is all you need

The night is going well. Everyone is laughing, and there is a happy energy in the air. The conversation flows easily and you’re the merry, relaxed kind of drunk. Then Josh swaggers over with a tray of something. Then you see what it is. Oh no.

“Time to do shots!” he shouts. You’re not sure, and you see others aren’t too keen either. But you don’t want to be a spoilsport. A grimace and a cough later, and the night changes. You feel sick, the room is spinning, and within a few minutes, everyone is too drunk to talk.

There comes a point when a thing becomes too much. If you’re not the outgoing, drinking sort, you could replace the opening example with something else. It might be at the end of the meal when that final slice of pizza turns you from “comfortably full” to “ergh”; when the car karaoke goes from being huge fun to a throat aching chore; or when that Tarantino movie you’re liking so far still has another two hours to go. Anything in excess becomes miserable, even the good things in life.

The fact that humans have unquenchable thirst and insatiable appetites is not new wisdom. It’s found in early Vedic texts, in Ancient Greece, and in most of the world’s religions today (most starkly in Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism. But in the Swedish idea of lagom, it has been given fresh life.

It’s an idea that might change how you see your life.

Just the right amount

Lagom translates as “just the right amount.” It means knowing when enough is enough, and trying to find balance and moderation rather than constantly grasping for more. Lagom is that feeling of contentment we all get when we have all that we need to make us comfortable. It’s neither a millionaire’s splurge in Vegas, nor a pauper’s cold winter night. It means having a roof over your head, food in your belly, friends at your back, and money — just enough money — in your pockets. If Goldilocks had a catchphrase, it would be “let’s lagom this bear house.”

There are two separate strands to lagom. The first is a kind of social awareness that recognizes that what we do affects other people. In this, we might see lagom more as a kind of “fair use” policy. If you take three cookies from the plate, two other people aren’t going to get one. If you hoard and grab everything you can, elbowing and cursing your way to the front of the line, then at best, that makes you a bit of an ass. At worst, it leaves others in ruin.

The second strand, however, is a mental shift that finds contentment in satisfaction. Many of us have internalized the ideas that bigger means better, that a bank balance means status, and that excess means happiness. Lagom, though, is to enjoy the “just right.” It’s not simply learning to “enjoy the simple things,” but also appreciating that sometimes less really is more. Lagom is knowing that enjoying the now of what you have does not mean you need to add more of it. After all, talking to a friend over a coffee is nice. But meeting with ten friends after ten coffees does not make things better. Lagom is to accept this and to let the fact deepen.

Applying lagom to your life

So, how are we to apply the Swedish principle of lagom to our lives? The great thing about lagom, as opposed to more ancient texts or religious homilies, is that it has an obvious practical value. It can apply to any type of person living any type of life. Here are just a few examples to start us off.

Work-life balance. It’s very easy to focus on only one part of life — work, love, family, health, play — that we end up ignoring or under-developing another part. Spending an entire month hiking and bonding with your brother might be great family time, but it probably won’t go down well with the boss. The Swedes, though, tend to be much more attuned to a sense of balance. They often will allow generous, regular breaks into their workday; they will go outside when they have been inside for too long; and so on. A “fulfillment wheel” is a way to measure balance across different aspects of life. Lagom is to be well-rounded and to take pleasure in that.

Exercise. The fitness industry has worked a clever narrative into our collective unconscious. It’s one which says that a $50-per-month gym membership, sparkly and expensive new shoes, and a bank-bruising personal trainer shouting at you to hop around and swing on ropes are the best way — the only way — to get fit. The lagom approach is to recognize that a walk is enough. For most people, regular trainers and a $5 T-shirt are enough to go running. Belly dancing, star jumps (jumping jacks), YouTube Zumba, and gardening are perfectly viable ways to get your exercise.

Staying in is the new going out. I’m sure your childhood is sprinkled with great holiday memories and brilliant getaways, but chances are that your fondest, deepest memories were those spent simply at home. You do not have to pay lots of money, or travel for hours, to have fun. A cheaply cooked meal, some old-worn pajamas, and an unashamedly rubbish movie is “just enough” to have fun.

There are countless other ways we can apply lagom, from how often we see our friends to how much we buy to living sustainably. But the profoundest element of lagom is simply to rest and relax when a thing feels good. Simple pleasures do not mean simple humans.

Original article here

29 Jul 2022
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Why Do We Find Making New Friends so Hard as Adults?

If you’ve ever tried to make new friends as an adult, you’ll probably see why loneliness is at an all-time high. Making new friends feels just plain hard.

In school, making friends can be as simple as going on the monkey bars together. But as adults, making, developing and maintaining friendships can be much more difficult.

This matters, because we need friends. And while old friends are golden, nothing stays the same forever. Old friends move away, or have their time taken up by child-rearing or their careers. Without action, loneliness can quietly grow around you. It’s worth taking seriously, because evidence now suggests chronic loneliness can be lethal – the equivalent impact of 15 cigarettes a day on mortality rates.

It’s not just you, either. In many countries, loneliness is at epidemic proportions. And that was before COVID-19 made it much harder for us to see our friends.

The challenge of trust

Before COVID, around a third of Australians reported feeling at least one episode of loneliness. Since COVID brought widespread disruption to our work and social lives, loneliness has soared. Surveys now find over half (54%) of Australians report experiencing greater loneliness since the start of the pandemic.

As we reach for a new COVID-normal, it’s worth taking stock of your friendships – and assess whether you feel your social life is fine, or could use a little help.

When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.

Perhaps that’s why many people try to keep their circle of old friends as long as possible, given the trust they may have built up over many years.

Who found it harder? Women were more likely than men to say they didn’t make new friends easily because they struggled to trust others.

So what is it about adulthood? Well, as adults, we have greater self-awareness than children. While that is often a positive, it also means we’re more aware of the risks of being judged by others, of not being liked, of being rejected, and of being hurt. Or perhaps it just means we’ve been through high school and our 20s.

If we’ve had previous rejections as friends or suffered a breach of trust, we may find it harder to be trusting of others in the future. To trust a new friend means opening ourselves up and being vulnerable, just as we do in relationships.

Friendships need time

After the trust issue comes time. “Lack of time” was the second-most common reason people gave after “lack of trust” when asked why they found it hard to make friends as adults.

This won’t be news to many of us. When we have demanding work schedules, very involved family lives or a combination of the two, our time for investing in friendships drops. Even when we meet a promising new friend, it can be hard to carve out time to invest in it. This is a bigger problem for older adults, given most people find their obligations increase with age.

How long does it actually take to make friends? It shouldn’t surprise us that closer friendships take longer to build than casual acquaintances. US researchers have tried to quantify this, estimating it takes roughly 50 hours of shared contact to move from acquaintances to casual friends. To be a close friend? More than 200 hours.

What’s more, the hours you spend together need to be quality. While you may well put in the time with work colleagues, professional interactions don’t count for much. To develop a new friendship, you need personal connection. It doesn’t have to be an intimate conversation to strengthen a friendship. Casual check-ins and joking around can be just as important.

There are many other barriers stopping us from having the friendships we want. This can include having an introverted personality, health barriers, personal insecurities, or maintaining a formal facade and not allowing potential friends in.

Older people are more likely to cite illness and disability as a barrier to socialising, while younger adults are more likely to be stopped by introversion and fears of rejection.

How can we get better at making friends as adults?

It’s entirely possible to overcome these barriers as adults and build meaningful, long-lasting friendships. We don’t have to accept loneliness as inevitable. And while you might think everyone else is having a great social life, remember loneliness is widespread.

So how do you do it?

Build friendships for ten minutes a day

You don’t have to be climbing mountains or bonding intensely over a shared hobby to solidify a new friendship. If you put in ten minutes a day, you can maintain existing friendships and build new ones. Send a text, forward a meme, add to the group chat or give someone a quick call. Don’t get caught up on how much effort, energy and time goes into building friendships. Ten minutes a day may be all you need.

Make the most of any quality time

When you do get to properly spend time with a friend or acquaintance, make the most of it. Avoid distractions if possible, keep Instagram for the couch at home, and be present with your new friend.

Lean into your vulnerability

We’re often scared by the idea of being vulnerable. I think we should embrace it. Remember you are in control of how much you trust and how much you open up. If you struggle with trust, consider sharing personal information slowly, rather than all at once.

Yes, there is a risk in being vulnerable – but there is also the potential to connect on a meaningful level with another person who may very well become a good friend. And that is a fine reward.

Original article here

20 Jul 2022
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A tale of two realities …

Yes, I know there are many realities, but let’s just for a moment distinguish them as two … normal reality and NEW reality.

In “normal” reality …

We garner as much knowledge as we can from the pool of current collective understanding.
We have reactions and sometimes feel powerless to effect the change we’d love to see spring forth in the world.
We work to find out who we are, to discover a greater sense of purpose and to make a difference with our lives.

In NEW reality …

There’s a grand relationship with the Universe, the Earth, Nature, Forests, Oceans, Animals, Stars and more.
There’s a sense of being in sync with Life which brings deep stirrings of new breakthrough ways to see the world and evoke the power to elevate us all.
The pulses and powers of the Universe flow through you with breath-taking awe.
You know you are the source of what is yet to come for us all.
You become an ALLchemist, evoking possibilities that shape a brilliant future for this world.
You make friends with the miraculous and discover that the impossible is possible.
You love yourself so spectacularly that you don’t even care about finding out who you are because you’re constantly in a state of quantum becoming, reveling in the infinite possibilities of yourself and all life.

To move from normal reality to NEW reality is simple actually, no more complicated than raising your vibration to match the universal power flows that are itching to come your way.

Do this and the world suddenly appears awesomely different to you. You see with fresh eyes. Magic fills your life and the miraculous floods your every cell, awakening you to just how brilliant life on Earth can truly be.

You become a creator of the NEW, sharing the enchantment while pouring yourself wildly into the joy-filled creation of a brand new world where all life thrives and soars.

About the Author:

Soleira Green is a visionary author, quantum coach, ALLchemist & future innovator. She has been creating leading edge breakthroughs in consciousness, quantum evolution, transformation, innovation, intelligence and more over the past 25 years, has written and self-published eleven books, and taught courses all over the world on these topics.

24 Jun 2022
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Are We in the End Times?

Welcome to Summer! Welcome to Winter! Completely depends on whether you’re in the Northern or Southern Hemispheres, doesn’t it? Still, happy Solstice to one and all.

The Summer Solstice occurred on the 21st of June, and next up on June 29th is a New Moon at 7 degrees of Cancer. We are almost fully immersed in the vibes of the Great Mother, as represented in the Cardinal Water sign of Cancer. Many things are contrasting with this energy of nurturing and providing, especially in the economic and financial sectors of the current world systems.

I was born during the sign of Cancer, and under a Full Moon. That Moon is in Capricorn, in the house of my chart that rules financial and emotionally security – which in ancient times revolved around food, livestock, the health of the crops, and the general bounty of the tribe and the surrounding environment. The upcoming New Moon still has Capricorn involved, with Pluto near the Anaretic Degree of Capricorn (29), so the vibe is there. Pluto in Capricorn, along with Uranus in Taurus are factors in the changes that are happening. Pluto in Cap asks “can you get along on less”? Uranus in Taurus says “be prepared for the unexpected, whether it is food or monetary security. We are being tested…in a manner of speaking. Maybe we’re testing ourselves.

Things are changing rapidly, and a pall of uncertainty is in the air. What will happen with inflation, monetary deflation, cryptocurrency deflation, the upward spiraling of the prices at the pump and the grocery store? Are there really shortages, or are the chains of the supply and demand being manipulated? Greed is fuelled by the belief in “not enough”, and I am sure there is some price gouging happening, which is totally rooted in the fear of not enough. However, I am also aware enough about the financial structures and the cycles of boom and bust to recognize that the dislocations we are currently experiencing are never accidental. To believe that is so is to believe that everything in your life, or Life in general, is just a series of random events that simply happen. When you spend some time studying patterns and the correlation of events, randomness becomes less reliable.

We are currently the only species on this planet in which everyone must “earn” their living. Do you even ever question that assumption? I do…a lot. Jobs were created when the Industrial Age started. Before that everyone had a trade or vocation. People specialized, whether they were the baker, butcher, or candlestick maker. Everyone was sort of an entrepreneur. Before that, we lived in cooperative communities in which everyone contributed to the mutual welfare and survival of all the members of the group. Concepts such as hoarding and “not enough” were unknown. Yes, there were tough times; when the hunting was poor, or there was a drought. But the fluctuations were part of the planetary ecosphere evolving, not because someone somewhere saw a way to make a quick buck speculating in the commodities market. We might well ask what changed to cause us to abandon the natural equilibrium we had with Nature and when and how did it change. Is what we see in front of us now really fair and working for you and me?

The times ahead, whatever might happen, will challenge our assumptions about the way the world actually works, versus how we were told it works. This is our final exam, in a manner of speaking, and will define in what direction we evolve to as a species. It should be obvious that the accumulation of great wealth at the top of this system that benefits the few at the expense of the many is not sustainable for a great many reasons. The destruction of the ecosphere for corporate profits and personal accumulation of assets is just one of those reasons.

During this window between the Solstice and the New Moon in Cancer may we remember our many blessings and be grateful. May we also remember that it might be a good time to check in with our intuition and see what we may need to do to prepare for times of economic uncertainty or dislocation. We don’t have to be doomsday preppers, but we can be more prepared. This will be important not just to guarantee our personal survival, but to be present for those who have less, and cannot provide for themselves for various reasons.

A new thought teacher by the name of Catherine Ponder once said, “abundance is having just enough to share.” When we share from our blessings, no matter how meager, we are sending out a message to the Universe. We have cast our “bread on the waters” which will return to us when we may be in need. As we give to others, we give to ourselves.

I entitled this post “are we in the end times” for good reason. I feel that is true, but not in the Biblical sense. It simply implies that the older orders of things is simply not working any longer, especially the dogma that creates and sustains it. Time to see that the ending of things does not imply the cessation of life, just the cessation of life as we have known it, or in a modern context, the way the world has been fashioned by a small minority who are motivated by greed, and have lost their connection to Source values. We are at choice now to be open to a new way of thinking, doing and being. We are at choice to begin a new time. May it be so, with grace and ease for all.

About the Author:

Isaac George is an internationally recognized intuitive mentor/coach, evolutionary astrologer, conscious channel, self-published author and musician. After a life-altering spontaneous kundalini awakening in 1994 he explored various healing modalities, including hypnotherapy and Reiki. In 1998 he began spontaneously channeling Archangel Ariel and other dimensional intelligences.

Originally from the United States, Isaac currently resides in the UK and offers Spiritual Mentoring sessions and programs and Evolutionary Astrology consultations.

13 Jun 2022
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How We Changed the World ~ ALLchemical Mastery

Alchemy has always seemed a somewhat mysterious ability to many people. The word itself evokes a level of power that, in the past, many have been frightened to step into.

I began my journey into alchemy back in the mid 1990’s when I read Serge Kahili King’s book ‘Urban Shaman’. It was an eye opener for me into a world of exciting possibility and global transformation. I would say the most important insight from this book was about becoming one with something (like a hurricane, a computer, the oceans, etc.) to elevate its purpose in this world.

So I dove into transformation with an incredible fervour … and not just people transformation, but global transformation as well.

I realised that the greatest relationship that I was seeking was to become the Universe, the Force, the Source (whatever we might like to call this incredible consciousness and energy that carries magic in its might and limitless creation at its core).

I let go of my identity. I surrendered my being to be remade over and over until I had evolved sufficiently to embrace myself as that universal force, innovating ways to live as that.

I discovered a power that I hadn’t known existed earlier in my life. A power that surged life, potential and possibility into play in ferocious and playful ways.

I made friends with that power, that force. I aligned myself with Life and for all things that would allow Life to thrive everywhere throughout the galaxies and upon this world.

I opened up brilliant new relationships with the consciousness and energy (the emerging entities if you will) of everything … organisations, countries, worlds, nature, the Earth, etc. And once I did that I discovered an open door to a world of wondrous alchemical creation that I had not known before.

Next I invited my consciousness buddies to join me in this exploration, with each one of them bringing something extraordinary into the co-creation. Together we became these Life Powers & Forces, we united as the Earth and the Universe, we surged possibilities into play everywhere our attention was drawn to play and create.

The callings came fast and furious through us all as we sourced a breakthrough in what I now love to call ALLchemical Creation.

ALLchemical creation is about tapping the new dream of us all, about becoming the Source and the Universe in Creation … then allowing ourselves in our collective, collaborative mastery to create breakthrough after breakthrough after breakthrough as Life surged through us to become whatever was next for it and for us all.

ALLchemy is collective and collaborative. It’s not just something you do as an individual expanding into greater connection and consciousness. It’s something we all are, all together embedded in a power source beyond our own, aligned with what Life wants to bring forth for all life to thrive now.

It is a pure, powerful, delightful thing to be a part of as you are moved by the desires and breakthroughs surging from Life through you. You create like never before in what I love to call collaborative genius fusion or kaleidoscopic creation, each one of us bringing something truly breath-taking to the ultimate outcome for all.

For me, ALLchemy is my future. It’s my ALL as I continue to surrender myself over and over again to whatever wonders it wants to create through me / us. It gifts me a life well lived and a joy for creation that has been a long time coming in this lifetime. But now IT is here ~ IT meaning that mysterious, wondrous, miraculous, power force of the Universe that chooses to entertain us as a home base for its miracles to occur.

I am honoured to have found my way into this magnificent art form that utilizes my whole beingness in this lifetime. When (and if) I leave this planet, I will do so completely fulfilled and wildly in love with Life, having lived in a way that I wish that everyone will discover in the coming days, months and years. For I am a collaborative ALLchemist and what a brilliant life that has given me and a miraculously unprecedented future for this world!

About the Author:

08 Jun 2022
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Do These 5 Emotionally Intelligent Things Within 5 Minutes Of Meeting Someone

What’s the point of networking if not to get other people to like you? Sure, you need new contacts to see you as interesting, competent, professional, and potentially valuable to them—but if they don’t also find you likable, nobody will feel motivated to reach out later and work with you.

The reason why all comes down to emotional intelligence, the set of skills and qualities that allow people to form deeper, closer relationships with others. Likability is a key ingredient in that, and its career benefits are pretty obvious. For instance, being likable—and liking your coworkers in return—can increase your chances of getting promoted.

But when it comes to first impressions, you don’t always have much time to get people to like you. So here are a few straightforward things that the most emotionally intelligent people do to cement their likability from the get-go:

Show Genuine Enthusiasm For Meeting

Especially in business contexts, some people’s demeanors while making introductions are terse and serious. That might feel formal and “appropriate,” but it’s not always the most emotionally intelligent thing to do. Neither is laying it on thick with a forced grin and over-the-top proclamations about how absolutely wonderful it is to meet.

Just be natural. Pretend you’re meeting a sibling’s new significant other at a social occasion. Give your best, authentic smile. Open up your posture so your legs are at a wide stance but you’re relaxed. Make eye contact, offer a firm handshake. It’s that easy.

Offer A Compliment

If you notice something about the person you’ve just met that you can compliment them about, do it right away. Maybe there’s a recent accomplishment you’re aware of that you could mention. If not, ask a question or two that can lead to information you can later compliment them on.

Emotionally intelligent people are great listeners right from the moment they make acquaintances. They know that most people love to talk about themselves and will like and appreciate anybody who’ll earnestly listen. The problem is that most of the time—especially in the moment or two after meeting someone—we’re too busy thinking about our own responses and can’t wait for the next opportunity to jump in. This tendency is natural, and it sometimes gets worse when we’re nervous.

So treat the first five minutes after meeting somebody as a silent quiz session: Pretend you’re being tested to see how much you can find out about the new acquaintance—that when five minutes are up, you’ll have to write an essay about everything you’ve just learned, and the more information you include, the higher your score.

Ask At Least Two Open-Ended Questions

Conversations often die quickly or turn into monologues when they aren’t propelled forward by good questions. When someone starts talking about something they enjoy, use that as an opening to ask more: “How did you get into that?” “What do you like most about it?” Since it’s something they’re clearly dying to talk about it, don’t just ask yes/no or simple factual questions that might cut off their chance to really dig into it.

Aim for at least two open-ended questions within the first few minutes of striking up a chat with somebody you’ve just met. That should be enough to get a good, in-depth conversation going. On a subconscious level, you’ll quickly become somebody they remember liking and will want to be around.

Find Something You Share

Have you ever spoken with someone and found them distracted, glancing around the room or maybe fiddling with their phone while you were speaking? If you did, there’s a slim chance you came away really liking them afterward. In order to make someone feel like they’re getting your full attention, you obviously need to focus on them exclusively. But you also have to find an interest or belief you both share.

The most emotionally intelligent people know that it’s easiest to connect with people they’ve found something in common with. These commonalities might not always be obvious, though; you have to look for them. For example, there’s a really experienced runner who works out at my gym, and we often have a chance to chat. Since I personally have zero interest in running, there wouldn’t seem to be common ground for a meaningful conversation beyond, “Good to see you again, how’s your week going?” But since most people like food, I once asked him what he eats before a major long-distance run. It gave us something in common to talk about.

These conversational openings are really simple but not always obvious right away just after meeting someone. Pay attention to what makes somebody light up, become more animated, and sit up straight. These little cues are easy to catch early on in your conversation, and they can make for great opportunities to quickly find commonalities, passions, and ideas to talk about in those crucial few minutes while we’re forming first impressions.

Say Their Name Before You Leave, And Commit Key Facts To Memory

Everybody loves the sound of their own name. Say it when you first meet someone; then sprinkle it throughout the conversation whenever you get the chance. At a minimum, make sure to say their name when you’re about to leave: “Really great meeting you, Shareen.” “Thanks for chatting, Kyle, let’s be in touch.”

Finally, emotionally intelligent people reinforce the likability they’ve banked during first impressions by remembering a few key details later on. The names of a new acquaintance’s partner, kids, even the pets they have or that vacation recommendation they shared—that’s all useful information to refer back to the next time you see them. It’ll help you stand out in their memory, and make them look forward to connecting with you again—because for some reason or other, they find that they just like you.

Original article here