Shadow Work 2: Healing the Inner Child

If you haven’t read the previous article in the series, you can do so here:

Shadow Work 1: An Introduction

Healing the Inner Child

Our feelings and emotions matter far more than we ever imagined. Much of our society has been taught that emotions are something we need to suppress or to control. However, the latest research says quite different. We are learning that on a quantum level, our emotions are a direct indicator of the vibration that we are offering to the Universe. Long before our thoughts manifest into physical reality (where we are able to visibly see what we are attracting) the emotions indicated physically in our body can tune us into exactly what signals we are sending out. This serves as an emotional guidance system which will allow us to learn more about our own individual and true divine nature. It also gives us much deeper insight into our lives, beyond the lies that we tell ourselves about what is right and wrong, and all of our personal preferences.

Once we learn to recognize the sensations associated with various emotions we will begin to receive a clearer understanding of our true and authentic feelings. Feelings about our job, where we live, our friends and family… everything, even down to the foods we eat. These preferences are coming directly from our eternal self rather than filtered through the logic of the egoic mind. The key to understanding emotions is to accept them as they are. Contrary to what we have been taught, they are a powerful ally on the path to living an authentic life from an enlightened perspective. They provide us with instant and clear feedback about our state of being, whether we are in alignment with our Higher Self or if we are in a state of resistance to All That Is.

For now it’s important to understand the connection to the practice of Shadow Work and our emotions. Many of us are extremely emotional and inclined to “sense” our way through life. To some it sounds strange, because they believe that “truth” isn’t a feeling, but rather a mental understanding. However, to many of us, it IS a feeling. In fact, almost all things in the lives of empaths and highly sensitive people, are feelings (or emotions) rather than intellectual or practical processes or constructs. I always have said I recognize truth by how it feels.

So the question we are all being asked is; Can we balance getting our own needs met within the needs of everything and everyone else? This is a perfect segue into inner child work.

Many of us become deeply triggered in our lives by unhealed experiences from childhood, experiences where we did not get our needs met. We learned to silently suffer and were taught in many ways that we weren’t deserving of the things we wanted; whether it be love, affection, attention or simple validation.

When we are triggered into the fight or flight response based on a perceived fear or threat of being hurt, our inner child becomes activated. This can often be the case when we have not learned healthy ways to express our needs. We move deep into our unconscious where core beliefs such as unworthiness, shame and abandonment issues take over our awareness. Many of us may have learned that love was conditional and based on behaving and acting in certain “preferred” ways. We may have learned that love is not safe. Often we have been taught that our emotions were simply invalid. We very well may have internalized messages that did not speak to our true nature as a sacred, beautiful, holy child of the Divine Source who deserves love unconditionally. All of these experiences further to deepen the personality split that creates the Shadow.

This healing process of recognizing that we all still possess an inner child who is looking for our needs to be met is deeply transformational work. For myself as a holistic practitioner, as well as many healers that I know, inner-child work has created some of the most profound shifts into well-being and wholeness. A profound relationship develops between you, as the nurturer, and your own inner child who is still seeking a safe place to be heard and receive unconditional love. You realize that you do not need to seek the support and validation from those who may have caused you pain as a child; whether it be your parents, family, or close relatives, but that you can absolutely give it to yourself. It is empowering to understand that you can truly create that healing within yourself by turning inward, and utilizing the new level of understanding that you now have as an adult.

The following are key steps that can be utilized to begin this journey.

Developing Trust
For your wounded inner child to come out of hiding, he/she must be able to trust that you will be there unconditionally. Your inner child needs a supportive and loving space in order to be heard. An opportunity without the fear of being shamed in order to validate his/her abandonment, rejection, neglect, abuse, and enmeshment. These are the first essential elements in this work.

Validation
If you’re still inclined to minimize and/or rationalize the ways in which you were shamed, ignored, or abandoned by your parents or others, you need to now accept the fact that these things truly wounded your soul. Understanding that the people who wrong us aren’t always bad, and likely have just been wounded themselves. Continuing the cycles that they themselves were taught, and doing the very best that they knew how given their experiences.

Anger
It’s okay to be angry, even if what was done to you was unintentional. In fact many would argue that from a place of being dis-empowered, getting angry is actually a sign of taking your power back. I know my parents did the best that two wounded adult (children) could do. But I’m also aware that I was deeply wounded spiritually and that it’s had consequences for me. What that means is that I hold us all responsible for breaking the cycle of dysfunction.

Sadness
After anger comes hurt and sadness. If we were victimized, we must grieve that betrayal. We must also grieve what might’ve been, our dreams and aspirations. We must grieve our unfulfilled developmental needs. In grieving childhood abandonment, you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing he/she should done differently. This helps to address and self-blame that may still be carried, and unconsciously creating a strong vibrational point of attraction. These deep core feelings of self-blame often create shame. When we feel shame we cover up our true self. Various parts of our personality become suppressed and abandoned. We in turn ended up abusing ourselves in many of the same ways that we were taught abuse by others. We also came to identify with a false self. While the true self remained alone and isolated. Staying with this last layer of painful feelings is the hardest part of the grief process. “The only way out is through,” as we say in the healing arts. As we embrace these feelings, we come out the other side. We encounter the ‘self’ that’s been in hiding from others, as well as from ourselves.

The truth is you are more powerful than you have ever been shown. The truth of who you are is something that is beyond many peoples current comprehension. Now is the time to tune back into your emotions. They are the key to pointing you in the direction of manifesting successfully in every aspect of life. Your emotions are always the indicator of what you are offering vibrationally. Once you have the opportunity to experience the vibration of who you really are and tune yourself accordingly, no other feeling will quite measure up. We incarnated here to enjoy the flow of that part of us that is eternal.

Tune yourself to the vibration of the center of your being and live a life filled with ease and joy. We think loving someone else is the highest emotional experience there is, only because experiencing a true unconditional love of our divine self is so rare. But this deep self love is truly why we came here, it is our birthright. Inner child and shadow work serve to remove the emotional blocks that prevent the light and love of Source energy to flow though us. This is why this work is so profound.

Stay tuned for the final installment of the series, Shadow Work 3: Healing Grief