growth | Ascension Lifestyle

31 Aug 2015
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The 4 Qualities Of A Conscious Relationship

We are approaching a period of time when relationships are ready to go through a major redesign. The current paradigm isn’t working. People are unsatisfied in love; people don’t know how to make relationships work.

And, believe it or not, this isn’t a bad thing. Because when systems break-down, that’s when they change. I believe that’s what’s happening in the area of intimate partnership. The break-down is forcing us to move towards conscious love.

So what exactly is a conscious relationship?

It’s a romantic relationship in which both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Individual growth. Collective growth as a couple. Growth that makes the world a better place.

As of now, most people get into relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This might work for a few years, but eventually the relationship fails us, and we end up unsatisfied as a result.

But when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much greater than gratification. The partnership becomes a journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfillment arise as a result.

So if you’re someone who feels called to take your experience of romantic love to the next level, below are four qualities that characterize what being a conscious couple is all about. Welcome to the path of the conscious relationship. This is next-level love …

1. The conscious couple is not attached to the outcome of the relationship – growth comes first.

Not being attached to the outcome of the relationship does not mean you don’t care what happens! It also doesn’t mean that you don’t have fantasies about how the relationship will turn out.

What it means is: you’re more committed to the experience of growth than you are to making the relationship “work.”

The reality is, we’re here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.

Unfortunately, relationships today tend to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we’re failing at romantic love.

We want our partners to act in a certain way, we repress ourselves to please others, and soon enough, we feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we’ve become. This, inevitably, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But the unfortunate truth is: we’ve caged ourselves.

The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping the relationship alive. Even though growth is scary (because it takes us into the unknown), the couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of out-growing the relationship. Because of this, the relationship maintains a natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does, too.

2. Each person in the relationship is committed to owning their s#*t.

Conscious couples know that we all have wounds from the past, and they understand that these wounds will inevitably be triggered, especially in a relationship. In other words, they expect to feel abandoned, trapped, rejected, overlooked and any other shitty feeling that arises when we bond closely with another person.

Most of us still believe that relationships should only feel good, and when bad feelings surface, something has gone terribly wrong. What we fail to see in this situation is that these shitty feelings stem from our own faulty patterning! These issues are not caused by our partners; they’re caused by our beliefs.

The conscious couple is willing to look at their past and current issues in relationships because they know that by facing these belief systems, they can evolve into a new relationship-reality. Dysfunctional patterns will dissolve, but only when we take responsibility for them, first.

3. All feelings are welcome and no internal process is condemned.

In a conscious relationship, there’s room to feel anything. Not only that, there’s room to express those feelings and fantasies to your partner. This is edgy territory… it’s not easy to do. But it’s also one of the most healing things we can experience in a partnership

It’s rare to be completely honest about who you are, and to stretch yourself to let your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; in fact, it may trigger the hell out of you. But you’re willing to be triggered if it means your partner can be authentic.

Like I already said, we’re used to molding and changing ourselves to please people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us! This stifles the love out of our connections.

The only option is radical honesty: revealing parts of ourselves that are hard to share, and letting our partners do the same. This leads to feeling known, seen and truly understood — a combination that will automatically enhance your love.

4. The relationship is a place to practice love.

Love, ultimately, is a practice. A practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and stretching your heart into vulnerable territories.

Sometimes we treat love like it’s a destination. We want that peak feeling all the time, and when it’s not there, we’re not satisfied with what the relationship has become. In my mind, this is missing the whole point of love.

Love is a journey and an exploration. It’s showing up for all varied nuances of your relationship and asking yourself, What would love do here?” The answer will be different every time, and because of this, you’ll get to grow in ways you never have before!

The conscious couple is fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. Through their devotion and practice, love shows up in their lives and relationship in ways they would’ve never imagined before.

By: Shelly Bullard for MindBodyGreen

Shelly Bullard, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist, love coach and spiritual teacher. Shelly believes that when you learn how to truly love yourself, your relationships become fulfilling from the inside-out, and you become the person you’re meant to be. She was named the “Love Guru” as one of the 100 Women to Watch in Wellness by mindbodygreen, and her deepest passion is studying and practicing love as a spiritual path. To learn more about her work, visit her here: shellybullard.com.

10 Aug 2015
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The Blame Game

“When you know your worth, you’ll no longer tolerate the excuses of those who don’t.”

I ran across this quote over the weekend and it immediately sent me into a spiral of deep thought. The underlying message in those words were so loud I felt like there was something about this I needed to expand on and share.

One of the easiest things to do in life is to blame others for the “bad” things we may experience. We’ve all been there before, at the end of a finger pointing at everyone other than ourselves as we play the blame game and victim to life. From this P.O.V. we strip ourselves of the opportunity to recognize our strengths and surrender the part of our lives we do have control over. However, I’ve realized why taking the “easy way out” is so common amongst us when its time to come face to face with our lives; fear coupled with our inner child’s desire to protect ourselves.

Fear is what I like to define as “an incredible act of the imagination.” Fears is a byproduct of our ego and essentially has no real power outside of what we feed it in our minds. Not to say danger is nonexistent, but fear is a choice. A choice that in certain situations serve their necessary purpose; to keep us alive within our human experience. When we’re afraid we become alert, filled with adrenaline and take on an animalistic flight or fight response that works together to save our lives if need be.

However, a lot of our fears are irrational, and yet they take precedence over a majority of our actions. We’re afraid of failure, embarrassment, disappointing ourselves, not being good enough and not being in control. So, we attempt to liberate ourselves through escape mechanisms like not going after what we truly want, limiting our dreams and again, blaming other people for our shortcomings, negative feelings and bad experiences. It’s an excuse to tell ourselves “it’s not my fault.” It takes away the pressure we’d feel if we actually took accountability for what we allow to take place in our lives. The pain we’d have to acknowledge if we admitted that when things go wrong, or not how we’d like them to go, we were ultimately the ones who opened that door.

Then we have our inner child… the part of us who feeds our creative spirit, is afraid of the dark (the unknown), cries at any sight of discomfort or pain and relies on another person for their overall well-being. You should never let this part of you go unnoticed. Your inner child carries the answers to a lot of your fears and pushes you to dream beyond the confinements of your mind into the depths of your heart. Nevertheless, as you grow into an adult you must continue to nurture and reassure this part of yourself that’s always asking “what if something scary is over there?”

When people refer to “self-sabotage,” I instantly think of the inner child. Self-sabotage can be thought of as the patterns in our lives we continue to recreate that basically hold us back and limits our development, but I don’t believe in self-sabotage. What I do believe in is the child-like part of ourselves that’s afraid of getting hurt. The parts of ourselves that harbor those irrational fears, are like monsters underneath the bed. The innocent part of ourselves that just wants to keep us safe, but unknowingly stops us from growing at the same time.

Along my path of spiritual enlightenment, some of the most beautiful lessons I’ve learned and have started to have a deeper understanding of are those of accountability, personal power and the law of attraction.

In becoming closer to yourself, you start to uncover purpose in your being… your value. You start to understand why you’ve experienced a lot of the things in your past and the lessons that they’ve taught you. You understand why your soul chooses to go through certain things, because of the growth that follows. You become more in tune with your subconscious mind and that helps you recognize why you put up with certain things during certain times of your life.

What I’m trying to say here is… you can’t know your worth if you do not know yourself. And you will never know yourself if you continue to give others power over you by giving them power over your life. You won’t understand why you tolerate excuses from people who don’t value you, if you don’t first accept the fact that you’ve failed to value yourself.

By: Ascension Lifestyle Guest Contributor

Laura Charles

Laura is a 21 year old blogger/writer dedicated to authentic self-expression, embracing the discomforts of vulnerability and discovering ones true self. Laura is starting an online boutique and would love to network with fellow entrepreneurs.

http://www.livelovelaura.com

http://twitter.com/prettybrwnxoxo

28 Jul 2015
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Self Realization: The Real Twin Flame Purpose

Twin flames serve a divine purpose. They come into your life just when you believe that you will never experience the deep, perfect love that your soul craves. They shake up everything you knew about reality and expand your consciousness while sending your chakras into overdrive. They are your direct mirror, your polar opposite, your exact energetic vibrational match. Twin flames incarnate on the planet at the same time and plan to meet in order to catalyze each other into accelerated spiritual awakening so that both can find and pursue their life missions. They are forced to face their deepest fears for the purpose of releasing them for good and learning to live from a space of unconditional love at all times.

Although tragic, it is necessary for many twins to separate after the initial illumination period fades. After experiencing life on a new energetic level, where universal love flows through you and manifestation occurs at a rapid rate, the twins come back down to earth and find that they still have much internal work to do. The ego returns and begins to question all that it had been conditioned to believe over many lifetimes. The soul is faced with the challenge of releasing any and all emotional, mental, and physical blocks in order to connect deeply with its Higher Self and the Divine. This process takes time and the twins must complete this deep healing on their own, each at their own pace. Attempts to force a physical relationship at this time will be met with resistance and more distance. It is key to focus the energy that was once given to the twin relationship, back on to your own personal spiritual path, because the truth is, your twin did not come into your life to complete you, but rather to catapult you into the best version of yourself.

The physical separation that is experienced is simply caused by the two people not being energetically capable of sustaining a connection of that magnitude. Maybe not forever, but in the present moment, they are not with you because the physical, mental, and emotional bodies are not matching up. The intense anguish felt during this time is designed to bring out all of the insecurities, doubts, and fears that you have been holding deep within your subconscious mind. The twin simply reflects all of the lower vibrational states that you must finally rid yourself of in order to become a fully enlightened and liberated human being. They are doing the same thing at their own rate, which is completely un-related to your own soul progress and should be respected from a distance.

Many people become obsessed with the the twin flame concept and union. They believe that if they just wait patiently while continuously holding the other person in their heart and mind, by trying to connect with them on other levels, by focusing strongly on the reunion, that they will eventually come back. This is just an illusion. Your soul wants to come back to its truest essence. It wants to release all of the fears and illusions that keep it imprisoned and distracted from its life mission. That is why your twin flame appeared in your life, to remind you who you really are and why you chose to incarnate on this planet at this crucial time. It takes incredible amounts of strength to sit with yourself fully in the present and realize that you are limiting your own growth by holding onto the past while trying to plan out the future. The best thing to do is to hold love for your twin flame, but still focus solely on yourself.

It’s important to understand that this God-sent encounter was never about the other person. It was always about sparking direct communication with the Divine in order to become One with all that is. It teaches you to stop relying on the external world to validate your existence and to find peace within each and every moment. Twin flames act as a catalyst to increase your spiritual capacity and to engage in a higher standard of living and loving. Meeting this person is the fast track to enlightenment… if viewed from the right perspective.

The ego mind is known for seeking control over situations. It will try to conceptualize and analyze the connection to no end. However, once you step back and realize the truth, you find that you must take back your power and let your heart guide you. Instead of focusing on the twin flame label and concept, we must instead focus on our -mission- on earth.

We must shift our thinking and accept the fact that no matter how strong the connection is, we attracted our twin back to us for self-growth and self-actualization. We are limiting and sabotaging ourselves if we do not come to terms with this and continue on a hamster wheel of emotions, waiting for the day they return. What we need to come back to is ourselves, our true selves. That’s when everything falls into place and we allow the universe to bring our divine love back to us.

By: Anonymous Contributo