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08 Jun 2022
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Do These 5 Emotionally Intelligent Things Within 5 Minutes Of Meeting Someone

What’s the point of networking if not to get other people to like you? Sure, you need new contacts to see you as interesting, competent, professional, and potentially valuable to them—but if they don’t also find you likable, nobody will feel motivated to reach out later and work with you.

The reason why all comes down to emotional intelligence, the set of skills and qualities that allow people to form deeper, closer relationships with others. Likability is a key ingredient in that, and its career benefits are pretty obvious. For instance, being likable—and liking your coworkers in return—can increase your chances of getting promoted.

But when it comes to first impressions, you don’t always have much time to get people to like you. So here are a few straightforward things that the most emotionally intelligent people do to cement their likability from the get-go:

Show Genuine Enthusiasm For Meeting

Especially in business contexts, some people’s demeanors while making introductions are terse and serious. That might feel formal and “appropriate,” but it’s not always the most emotionally intelligent thing to do. Neither is laying it on thick with a forced grin and over-the-top proclamations about how absolutely wonderful it is to meet.

Just be natural. Pretend you’re meeting a sibling’s new significant other at a social occasion. Give your best, authentic smile. Open up your posture so your legs are at a wide stance but you’re relaxed. Make eye contact, offer a firm handshake. It’s that easy.

Offer A Compliment

If you notice something about the person you’ve just met that you can compliment them about, do it right away. Maybe there’s a recent accomplishment you’re aware of that you could mention. If not, ask a question or two that can lead to information you can later compliment them on.

Emotionally intelligent people are great listeners right from the moment they make acquaintances. They know that most people love to talk about themselves and will like and appreciate anybody who’ll earnestly listen. The problem is that most of the time—especially in the moment or two after meeting someone—we’re too busy thinking about our own responses and can’t wait for the next opportunity to jump in. This tendency is natural, and it sometimes gets worse when we’re nervous.

So treat the first five minutes after meeting somebody as a silent quiz session: Pretend you’re being tested to see how much you can find out about the new acquaintance—that when five minutes are up, you’ll have to write an essay about everything you’ve just learned, and the more information you include, the higher your score.

Ask At Least Two Open-Ended Questions

Conversations often die quickly or turn into monologues when they aren’t propelled forward by good questions. When someone starts talking about something they enjoy, use that as an opening to ask more: “How did you get into that?” “What do you like most about it?” Since it’s something they’re clearly dying to talk about it, don’t just ask yes/no or simple factual questions that might cut off their chance to really dig into it.

Aim for at least two open-ended questions within the first few minutes of striking up a chat with somebody you’ve just met. That should be enough to get a good, in-depth conversation going. On a subconscious level, you’ll quickly become somebody they remember liking and will want to be around.

Find Something You Share

Have you ever spoken with someone and found them distracted, glancing around the room or maybe fiddling with their phone while you were speaking? If you did, there’s a slim chance you came away really liking them afterward. In order to make someone feel like they’re getting your full attention, you obviously need to focus on them exclusively. But you also have to find an interest or belief you both share.

The most emotionally intelligent people know that it’s easiest to connect with people they’ve found something in common with. These commonalities might not always be obvious, though; you have to look for them. For example, there’s a really experienced runner who works out at my gym, and we often have a chance to chat. Since I personally have zero interest in running, there wouldn’t seem to be common ground for a meaningful conversation beyond, “Good to see you again, how’s your week going?” But since most people like food, I once asked him what he eats before a major long-distance run. It gave us something in common to talk about.

These conversational openings are really simple but not always obvious right away just after meeting someone. Pay attention to what makes somebody light up, become more animated, and sit up straight. These little cues are easy to catch early on in your conversation, and they can make for great opportunities to quickly find commonalities, passions, and ideas to talk about in those crucial few minutes while we’re forming first impressions.

Say Their Name Before You Leave, And Commit Key Facts To Memory

Everybody loves the sound of their own name. Say it when you first meet someone; then sprinkle it throughout the conversation whenever you get the chance. At a minimum, make sure to say their name when you’re about to leave: “Really great meeting you, Shareen.” “Thanks for chatting, Kyle, let’s be in touch.”

Finally, emotionally intelligent people reinforce the likability they’ve banked during first impressions by remembering a few key details later on. The names of a new acquaintance’s partner, kids, even the pets they have or that vacation recommendation they shared—that’s all useful information to refer back to the next time you see them. It’ll help you stand out in their memory, and make them look forward to connecting with you again—because for some reason or other, they find that they just like you.

Original article here

05 Jun 2022
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Who Are You?

I am always careful when using phrases and sentences saying something like, “Be you”, “Discover yourself “, or “Be authentic”. I admit that this kind of statement puts me off. However, sometimes it is difficult to express experiences that happen to us at a deep inner level, and I have come to the conclusion that, no matter what, words are here to be used the way we know and when adding the feeling from which they are expressed, any word gets validated.

From childhood we hear that we are here to grow up, go to school, study, get a degree, get a job, marry, have children, grow old and die. It seems like a futile cycle and quite frankly, a somehow boring one.

Are we more than just our bodies? Why are we here? Is this all? What is our purpose? Who are we? Where are we going? These are a few of the fundamental questions that many people have in their mind. However, a vast number of people never ask themselves these questions, and go through life just playing their roles and waiting for the “end”. Maybe they are not curious about being more than just flesh and bones, or maybe the system we live in is powerful enough to keep us numb and oblivious to the invisible realms of existence. Whatever the case, I still think that most of us know deep inside that we are more than what we can see.

Thanks to the spiritual teachings I practise, I have been able to experience my real being in an unquestionable manner. Meditation, pineal gland activation and other techniques have made me aware of my inner self. I am a light being, inhabiting a human body. Not a complicated realisation at all and cliché, if you want. The thing is that today, more and more people are starting to be aware of the fact that there is an invisible part of themselves they cannot ignore anymore, their own experience shows them this reality.

Everything is energy and science has been talking about it for quite some time now: think of Einstein and his famous formula, E=mc2. Remember Nikola Tesla as well, who said, “If you want to find the secrets to the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

We could say that we are consciousness or we have a conscience, something beyond the physical plane that is powerful and profound and is in our experience. And this consciousness manifests itself in the physical field through a body, tangible and visible.

Every time we acknowledge what we call our “soul” and place our attention on our thoughts and feelings of love, for example, we actually go beyond the body, we enter an invisible realm of existence. Every time we acknowledge our heart as a way of awakening intuition, we go to this intangible field of reality and, even more, every time we are there, we have the wondrous feeling of being home, of belonging.

I encourage you to find what resonates with you in order to experience the inner world. In the meanwhile, I invite you to sit down in a quiet place and start by feeling your body, then be aware of your breathing, inhale and exhale slower than normal, place your attention on your heart, feel it full of light and love. Enjoy this state for at least ten minutes and repeat it hopefully two times a day, everyday.

The realisation of being a light being, will make you conscious of the fact that everyone else is a light being too, therefore we are all the same, we are equal and any differences disappear. Experiencing our inner self is understanding the concept of wholeness, of being part of the One, is finding our true origin and purpose, is initiating our journey back home, is ascending.

We have the opportunity of looking at life as a spiral of experiences that elevate us from just being “human”. We are so much more than our body. We cannot see it with our physical eyes, but we feel it, we know it, we live it. We are infinite beings.

About the Author:

Veronica Sanchez De Darivas is Chilean-Australian, now living in the UK and a proud mother of teenage twins. A spiritual awakening teacher, bestselling author, pineal gland (third eye) activator and Certified Instructor for the Cyclopea Method, Veronica is currently the only instructor in the world teaching the Cyclopea Method in English.

01 Jun 2022
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June Artist of the Month: Elizabeth Cox

Artist Statement:

Inspired by light, color, and nature. Elizabeth realized at a young age that art and creating was her passion, her calling.

Graduating with a degree in Graphic Design, she commenced working at an advertising agency in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Elizabeth enjoyed city life, but an opportunity arose to travel across Canada and throughout the United States with fellow artists. This adventure provided her with invaluable artistic insights and enriching life experiences. Upon return to Canada, she settled in a smaller town in Northern Ontario. Here Elizabeth started a successful illustration studio called Illustratus, displaying her artistic diversity by creating illustrations and design for businesses such as Pet Smart as well as fine art commissions for collectors such as NHL hockey players.

Several years later, on a meditation retreat in New York, a momentous event occurred that profoundly shifted her artistic focus from fine detail work to painting, with a sense of uninhibited freedom.

Elizabeth now paints in thick oils with an impressionistic vigor, aspiring to rouse an awakening or emotion in her viewer; to feel the joy in the vivid colors and subjects.

Elizabeth’s work has been exhibited in Northern Ontario, Vancouver, and Victoria, British Columbia. Her work has also been featured in several magazines, most recently in ‘Women in Art 278’ and Art Quench Magazine, Masters Edition.

Elizabeth’s themes are those that resonate with her inner passions and reflect her deep appreciation for nature. Subjects that make her smile or inspire a sense of awe often bring her into the studio for 8 to 15 hour days. From driving down a country road and seeing a breathtaking field of sunflowers to the way the light sparkles on a koi pond, for Elizabeth, inspiration is everywhere.

Connect with Elizabeth:

Website: www.elizabethcoxfineart.com

Instagram: @lizcox_art

Twitter: @ecox_artist

28 May 2022
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Remember Your First Time?

The first time I put up a one person show, I didn’t know what I was doing.

The first time I taught a workshop, I didn’t know what I was doing.

The first time I gave a sermon at the Church of the Pacific, I didn’t know what I was doing.

I learn by doing and hopefully, each time I get better.

I remember the evening I previewed LOVELAND, my one-person show at the Marsh Theater in San Francisco. The lead character, Frannie Potts, was incredibly challenging to perform.

Within 5 minutes of stepping on stage, I realized how limited my acting abilities were for Frannie. I couldn’t embody the emotional range required by the words I had written. I didn’t know what I was doing. Frannie sounded harsh and off putting, one note only. I could feel the audience recoil.

The next 75 minutes were excruciating. Minutes would go by of pin drop silence, a comedian’s worst nightmare. I couldn’t wait to get off stage.

Immediately following the performance, a former student came up to me and said,

Ann, it was so cool to see you fail. (This student was not known for her tact.)

She was right, I failed miserably and failing sucks, especially in front of a live audience. The next day, I had a two-hour rehearsal with my director, Joshua Townshend. The next night I failed again but not as bad as the first night. Improvement!

My friend and fellow solo performer, Heather Woodbury, has this great quote regarding her creative work.

“Over time, my suck level got less and less.”

This is what happened to me with LOVELAND. My suck level got less and less and a year later, LOVELAND won “Best Solo Show” in SF and LA.

As a storytelling teacher, I have shared this story with my students many times and I’m often requested to tell it again. I think people like hearing it because it gives them permission to suck, to make mistakes, and to grow from these so called “failures.” Ira Glass, host of This American Life, talks about this too in his video on being bad in the beginning.

Think about your own creative life. Where have you demanded perfection from yourself? Can you let yourself make mistakes? Can you acknowledge it’s all part of the creative process? We have a tendency to beat ourselves up when we “fail,” but what if instead, we gave ourselves immense credit for our willingness to put our work out into the world.

During Covid, I was unable to perform. I had to find a new way to express myself. I started making short videos and they were not very good in the beginning. I could feel the inner critic wanting to stop me at every turn, but I vowed to keep going. I knew from years of experience that the only way to beat the voice of the inner critic is to not give up and keep showing up for my art.

If you are feeling the voice of the inner critic to be overwhelming, I suggest letting it speak. Pick up the pen and ask the critic, “Why are you showing up today and what do you have to say to me?” This writing exercise is incredibly illuminating and can help you understand the relationship you have with this critic. On any creative journey, you will encounter this critic so it’s important to acknowledge it, but don’t let it stop you from achieving your goals. You can do it. You were born to create.

What helps me most when I make mistakes and “fail” is to know I’m not alone and to let myself receive support. We need each other to help us through these times.

Right now, I’m working on another one-person show, and as much as I’d like the development process to be perfect, it’s not. Writing first drafts is messy and trying out new material is always hit or miss. I have come to accept this as part of the creative process.