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04 Apr 2024
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How to Say “No” After Saying “Yes”

 

Picture it — a colleague asks if you can chair a new committee they’re starting. Without even pausing to think, the first words out of your mouth are, “Sure. I’d love to!” Flash forward, and you’re looking at emails piling up in your inbox and a flurry of appointments on your calendar. It suddenly hits you that you’re spread too thin. You know you need to say no after saying yes, but you’re hesitant to back out of the obligation after you’ve already given your word.

Saying no is never easy, but it’s particularly challenging after you’ve already said yes to a commitment. You may worry that backing out will burn bridges, cause you to be perceived as flaky or unreliable, or lead to you being labeled a poor team player. These fears are heightened for “sensitive strivers” — highly sensitive high-achievers — who tend to overthink situations and have a hard time setting boundaries.

If you can relate, then the thought of retracting your agreement and facing the brunt of another person’s disappointment or anger at you may be too much to bear. This reaction makes sense, since studies show that the brain makes no distinction between possible social rejection and physical pain. Instead, you grit your teeth and follow through with the commitment — sometimes at the expense of your own wellbeing, which backfires. Not only does it result in excess stress for you, but others may be able to sense that you’re distracted, overwhelmed, or resentful.

Whether you have overbooked yourself, realized you have a conflict, or otherwise can’t or don’t want to participate in a project, it’s essential to uncommit gracefully. Doing so will keep your reputation intact and your relationships strong. Here’s how to go about saying no after you’ve already said yes with tact and professionalism.

Consider the cost.

Before you deliver the news, make sure that backing out is in fact the right decision. Consider the opportunity cost. For example, let’s say you’ve said yes to a new initiative from your boss, but now you’re having second thoughts about participating. Evaluate how crucial the project is to key business priorities. If the initiative would give you exposure to other parts of the company or allow you to build social capital or new skills, then it may be worth the sacrifice. However, if the costs outweigh the benefits (such as the impact on your personal life or your current projects), then it’s better to withdraw.

Shift your perspective.

If you’re paranoid that saying no after you’ve already said yes will make you appear irresponsible, embrace the fact that it would be selfish and inappropriate to follow through on the task knowing you couldn’t complete it. You may feel like you’re being generous and helpful by agreeing, but if you can’t follow through on your promises, it’s not a recipe for high performance, personal happiness, or strong relationships. Plus, consider the positive traits you display when you back out gracefully. You exemplify strong prioritization, time management, and transparent communication — all qualities of powerful leadership.

Be diplomatic but truthful.

When it comes time to deliver your message, be assertive and clear without overexplaining. In other words, aim to be direct, thoughtful, and above all else, honest. For example, if you were pulling out of your friend’s committee, here’s what you might say: “When I said I could join the committee last month, I fully believed I had enough bandwidth to do a great job. After taking a closer look at my calendar, I realized I’ve overextended myself and there are several professional commitments I can’t move. This means I won’t be able to participate as chair.”

Providing a short explanation or justification as to your reasoning can help your withdrawal be better received. For instance, you could explain, “I know we talked about me joining as committee chair, but when I agreed I didn’t expect a big project would be assigned to me at work. Because of that, I need to decline.” In the case of backing out of the initiative with your boss, you could share, “I’ve had the chance to review my priorities and this new project would stop me from contributing to my core job responsibilities at the highest level. That wouldn’t be the right — or best — decision for myself or the team, so I have to respectfully change my yes to a no.”

Preserve the relationship. 

It’s appropriate to apologize and take responsibility for any mistake, misunderstanding, or simply overextending yourself. After all, the other person was counting on you and may have been making plans around your participation. In the case of withdrawing from the committee, you could say, “I’m sorry for any inconvenience this causes. It means a lot that you thought of me for this opportunity and I’m rooting for it to be a success. I can’t wait to hear how everything goes.” Expressing gratitude and ending on a positive tone shows care and compassion.

Offer an alternative. 

Propose a different timeline or to reschedule to a new date if you genuinely want to help. Take a rain check and leave the door open to say yes in the future by saying, “After revisiting my schedule, I need to change my decision and decline this invitation right now. But please keep me in mind for the future. Would you reach out again in a few months?”

You can also avoid leaving the person in a lurch by suggesting an alternative. Perhaps you offer to introduce the person to a coworker who can help or a contractor they could hire. Maybe you redirect the person to a resource that can help them such as a community, podcast, or training material that can meet their needs or solve their problem.

Learn from it.

Backing out of commitments isn’t fun or comfortable, but it can provide a valuable lesson and an impetus to overcome people-pleasing tendencies that may be standing in your way of being more successful. Use this as a learning opportunity to build greater discernment around what you do — or don’t — agree to in the future. Going forward, try to say yes only to opportunities that excite you, and ones you have room for.

No matter how thoughtful you are, you may need to occasionally go back on a promise you’ve made or change your mind. Don’t make it a habit but do approach the situation with sensitivity and consideration to get the best possible outcome.

 

 

Original article here


01 Apr 2024
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April Artist of the Month: Fiona Finlayson

 

 

About the Artist:

I have always loved art and gained a degree in illustrations and animation from Edinburgh College of Art. I started to work in finance but have always continued to draw, paint and craft.

Approximately six years ago I went on a “learn to needle felted” course and have never looked back — it was as if something had been missing in my life and this was the piece. I have always loved 3D work and working with wool seems so natural.

I have built up a small business creating bespoke 3D needle felted pet and animal portraits and created work for TV and last year. Some of my needle felted robins were part of the Christmas windows for Hermès’ Christmas window in London.

I love sourcing wool and fleece when I am holiday in the Hebrides and Orkney.

It’s an honour to make portraits of pets who have passed and hope that these will bring some comfort and happy memories.

Website ffinlayson.com

Twitter: @ffinlaysonart

Facebook: @ffinlaysonart

Instagram: @ffinlaysonart

 

 

 

 


30 Mar 2024
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Herb Power

 

They’re the Yorkshire Terriers of the vegetable world. Herbs may be small, but they make a lot of noise, nutritionally speaking. Indeed, if you want to do one thing to your diet to improve it fast, adding a handful of herbs to meals could really make a difference.

The reason is herbs are packed full of so-called volatiles, essential oils with antioxidant, disease-fighting properties. While we’ve all heard about blueberries and antioxidant power, a study published in the Journal of Nutrition, found that some herbs are actually higher in antioxidants than fruit, including berries and other vegetables. You can tell this by just rubbing a lettuce leaf between your fingers. It goes sticky. Do this to a leaf of basil and you can smell the precious oil on your fingers.

These volatile oils have seen herbs prized for their medicinal properties for centuries. The Romans first discovered coriander and used it as a preservative. Parsley is an anti-bacterial. Mint tea is a digestive, common all across the Middle East to this day. Dill, another digestive, has long been used in gripe water for babies.

Modern science is catching up. Research increasingly backs the use of herbs in protecting us against disease and easing some symptoms. For example, a recent study by the University of Adelaide demonstrated the effectiveness of mint in reducing the symptoms of IBS. Researchers found that mint activates anti-pain channels in the colon and reduces inflammation.

So, how do you use herbs to turbo charge your health? The first thing to say is those ancient jars of dried herbs that you may have at the back of a kitchen cupboard, the ones that smell (and taste) like dust, probably aren’t going to do it. In the same way that fruits and vegetables lose their vitamins with storage, so too herbs are most powerful at their freshest.

Drying herbs reduces their vitamin and mineral content considerably, with water-soluble vitamins such as B and C especially affected. Alternatives include freeze dried, frozen, fresh cut and fresh potted. Freeze-dried and frozen are convenient, but for the best nutritional bang for your buck, go for fresh cut or potted.

Potted Or Bagged Herbs?

To decide between potted or bagged, it can help to consider which family they come from. The carrot family includes parsley, dill and tricky coriander. None of these are likely to regrow once you have removed the leaves, so you may have to bin them. Buying ready cut, sold in bunches or bags, may therefore be a better option.

The mint family includes mint, basil, oregano, rosemary, thyme and sage. These are tougher and will continue to grow if you avoid cutting whole branches off from the base and instead pinch off leaves higher up. Potted versions will last best if you don’t employ a nuclear winter approach and strip them of all leaves. Keep enough leaves for the plant to generate energy to keep growing.

Chives, from the onion family, and tarragon from the lettuce family will work potted or cut.

How Keep Potted Herbs Alive

There is an obvious problem with fresh herbs, often bought from a supermarket; they tend to die on you. That lush bush of basil or coriander you put in your basket turns into a sad, wilted mess of limp yellowing or blackened leaves. James Seymour from The Fresh Herb Company is sympathetic. “Coriander in particular is very temperamental,” he admits.

According to Seymour, the most common mistake we all make when buying and storing fresh herbs are over-watering and not keeping them warm enough. Basil or rosemary come from countries with a Mediterranean climate. Sticking either plant in a saucer of water on a drafty windowsill is a quick way to kill them. Rule one: keep the soil relatively dry. Rule two: keep them above 50 degrees Fahrenheit.

To extend the life of cut herbs, treat them like cut flowers. “Stick them in a mug of water on the fridge door next to the milk,” suggests Seymour.

HERB POWER: THE TOP FIVE

 

Parsley has more vitamin C in it, gram for gram, than most citrus fruits. It is therefore a fantastic immune booster. Two tablespoons of fresh, chopped parsley also contains 150% of your RDA of vitamin K, which is important for bone health. It is a source of both vitamin A and folate. The latter is especially important for pregnant women or those trying to conceive a baby, as this has been shown to reduce the incidence of spina bifida in babies. Parsley is a diuretic, which means it helps you get rid of unwanted water, so could help with bloating. It is known to be an anti-inflammatory and is a traditional remedy for symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis.

How to use it: Parsley tea can taste a bit grassy, so the fresh herb is best added to soups and sauces. Chopped into bulgar wheat, it is the dominant flavor in Middle Eastern tabouleh.

 

Basil is packed full of flavonoids, which have been shown to protect cells from chromosomal damage. The two key flavonoids in basil are orientin and vicenin, and both have been shown to reduce cell damage from radiation, aka sunlight, so they protect the skin from photo aging. With its high vitamin C content as well, basil is therefore a good anti-ager for those who like the sun. Basil also contains iron, for energy and healthy blood, and magnesium, which is a muscle relaxant, often called nature’s tranquilizer. Traditionally, basil has been used to treat colds and fevers, stomach pains (because of its anti-spasmodic effect) and flatulence.

How to use it: Basil can be used in savory dishes such as soups and sauces, as well as famously chopped into fresh pesto. Also works really well torn and sprinkled over fresh strawberries.

 

Coriander contains a huge range of vitamins and minerals, including B vitamins thiamine, riboflavin, and folate, which help give us energy. Add in iron, which makes hemoglobin to carry oxygen round the body in red blood cells, and you have a general tonic effect. Coriander is also believed to reduce both cholesterol and blood pressure, but is most well-known for its anti-bacterial and anti-fungal effect. If you have a queasy tummy from a foreign trip or food poisoning, it could help. Coriander is known to have anti-histamine and anti-inflammatory actions, meaning it reduces symptoms of allergy from eczema or hay fever.

How to use it: Most commonly seen in Asian cuisines, coriander makes a great addition to a thai stir-fry or stirred into an Indian curry right at the end.

 

Mint is traditionally used as a digestive, as it helps break down fat and improve digestion. Chewing on the leaves or making a tea also releases menthol, which is a decongestant, so a natural remedy for a stuffy nose. It could also help relieve nausea and headaches. Mint is high in vitamin C, which is important for good brain function and healthy skin, as well as vitamin A, a potent antioxidant, and manganese. This helps fat and protein metabolism, another reason mint is a good digestive.

How to use it: Make a tea by steeping the leaves in boiling water, chop and stir into fresh peas or salad. Mix into yogurt and chopped cucumber to make Indian riaita.

 

Rosemary is not only potent in taste, but has also been shown to reduce the risk of breast cancer by blocking some of the unhealthy effects of estrogen in the body. This makes it particularly useful for those with a family history of female cancer or who have had a scare themselves. Rosemary contains a long list of vitamins and minerals, including vitamin E, which is important for skin healing, and two phenolics, caffeic acid and rosemarinic acid. These are anti-inflammatory, so may help inflammatory conditions such as arthritis. Rosemary has an anti-bacterial effect that has made rosemary tea a traditional remedy for a sore throat.

How to use it: Rosemary goes really well with meat, especially with lamb, where it has a semi-preservative effect. The natural oils also help you digest the saturated fats.

 

 

Original article here


25 Mar 2024
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Explaining The Akashic Mystery

 

 

A desire to seek spiritual wisdom and a reassuring connection to the creator is evident throughout history in most cultures and traditions. Humans have tried to understand the origin of life and the source of their own being since the beginning of recorded time. Akasha is an ancient Sanskrit word for “source,” referring to the essence of the creator’s source, characterized by many traditions as the essence of love.

When we direct our minds, emotional and spirit to self-love, we accept a natural, loving, healing presence in our lives; this is when miracles happen. They aren’t really miracles outside of nature, but Illness, disease and loss are often a call from our soul to redirect our lives. When we are living our lives connected to our source in love, that natural way of living brings us back to health and a sense of well-being. It feels like a miracle to live from our source in love.

Agape or akashic spiritual love is about our connection to our spirit, our soul and the creator (infinite intelligence, love and light). This is a reciprocal relationship. This love speaks to a constant influx of spiritual energy that sustains our etheric, emotional, mental and physical bodies, which combine to create our self in this life. This love is the basis of the mystical essence of all religions, but in itself is not a religious belief system. This is the quantum field or the akashic essence of creation, where all potential exists and all creation is born from.

While we are mostly unconscious of this flow, we are created to exercise free will concerning how we direct and conduct our life. We can become conscious of this flow and learn to direct it as a loving, healthy, and sustaining current in our life. We are given the choice to connect or not to connect to this spiritual love and the guidance it contains. Our self-awareness and our ability to recognize our needs and care for ourselves is in direct proportion to our capacity to allow this akashic spiritual energy to sustain and elevate our lives.

The akashic energy, like a universal ether, fills the world — every being and even the very air we breathe. The akashic energy resides within your body, activated and used by your spirit throughout your life. You can choose to consciously access and develop this energy as you gain a higher awareness of your spiritual nature.

Within the akashic energy field is a receptive intelligence that embeds all experiences and events into an energetic library of information — the wisdom of all creation. Encoded vibrationally into the fabric of space, some have likened the mechanism as similar to how holograms are created. I see the records as energetic packages of information.

The records containing the macrocosm and microcosm of your life — the big picture of your soul’s plan and purpose, and the very personal information of the details of your daily life — are all retained in this akashic field. This includes every thought, word, feeling and action throughout your entire lifetime, and even before this incarnation. Accessing this information is done in small bytes of information, which you can benefit from by learning about and developing a more complete sense of yourself. What are the patterns you repeat over and over in this lifetime, and perhaps in a previous lifetime that need healing? Chin up, you have been given all the time and experience you need to learn, grow, and refine the sheen of your human presence here on Earth. Now is a good time to roll up your sleeves and access your akashic records.  When you access the knowledge and creative energy in your records, you learn how to heal yourself and become a creator of positive outcomes in your own life.

You have the tools and potential within your consciousness to access your personal history and soul records within the akashic field. With this access, you gain understanding about the wounded places where your soul has disconnected from its source of love through trauma or misunderstood experiences in this life or past lives. You can reclaim and heal these wounded parts of self as you access the akashic field of infinite intelligence and love.

Accessing the healing capacity within this realm requires a flow of exchange between you and the akashic energy done with deep respect and humility. The entrance fee for stepping onto this healing path is taking ownership of your thoughts and choices with clear intentions to raise your vibration above blame, shame, victimization and guilt. These sorts of excuses will only keep you attached to your pain and prevent your healing. Honesty, forgiveness, curiosity and a willingness to open to spirit will elevate your vibration, and thus your access to akashic intelligence and all its healing, nurturing love, leading you right back home.

 

 

 

Original article here


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